I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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