Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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