Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
