you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
