then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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