How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
