I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
