i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
