'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
please come you make the beer taste better
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
