Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
