party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
