The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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