Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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