Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
