so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
