I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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