he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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