I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
