Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
