Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
