apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
