Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
