So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
