home. puking in laundry basket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
