I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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