I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
