her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
