I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I yelled at your uterus for you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
