how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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