Will you blow on my dice?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
