There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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