The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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