I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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