She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
