1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
