First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
