what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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