WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was like eating out sand paper
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
