so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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