can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
