please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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