yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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