i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
