So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
