Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
