Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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