Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
