Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your penis caused this!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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