if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
