You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
